Love drugs dogs & cockroaches.

This is a true story of two friends. One lives in Byron Bay & the other lives in Sydney. We will call the Byron one Jack & the Sydney one Jill. Now Jill often comes up to stay with Jack, who is as tight as a frogs arse & has two huge hounds. Because Jack is so tight he is renting all available space in his house out to backpackers to make some extra bucks.
And because Jack is so tight he only has a bar fridge to service himself two huge hounds & all the backpackers.
I should point out at this juncture Jack thinks housework is something foreign people do.
So Jill comes up for her Bi annual holiday, Jack greets her with hugs & kisses & much outpouring of love & affection. & proceedes to tell her how great it is to have her staying with him again & he is SO excited & happy to give up a $300.00 a week bed for her so she can stay as long as she wants, as long as its no more than three weeks.
Anyway Jill decides to do some shopping so there is something in the house that the dogs have'nt licked chewed slept or pissed on, or gone on to the cockroach supermarket.
That evening Jill cooks a lovely baked dinner for Jack, but Jacks not very hungry, it might have something to do with the case of beer, bottle of port, large bag of chips & the schooners of wine &  he is downing like his arse is on fire. After jill has finished dinner Jack grabs the plates, pots, pans, cuttlery & dumps them on the verandah floor where the dogs lick them all clean as clean. Much to Jills consternation.
The next day Jill decided it would be nice to visit her old aunt in Drismore for the evening. As she is leaving Jack wonders if Jill could score a bit of pot from some of her hippy friends. Money is mentioned only because Jack informs Jill he would never waste HIS money on pot but he really likes a smoke. So Jill leaves in a daze to spend time with her dear old aunt.
She arrives home the next morning to see Jack grinning like a monkey & breathlessly talking like a man who has lost his testicals ( really high voice ) Jillie ,Jillie, oh Jillie,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i had a party last night,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i ate pork chops, nuts,bananas, chips ,ice cream, drank a large bottle of cointreau, oh & found some pot in your makeup bag, i had just the best time, it was soo much fun, i wish you could have been here.
Now to say Jill is a bit miffed because Jack has consumed every last morsel of the $200.00 +  Jill spend on food & drink is an understatement ,What jack didnt finish the rats mice & cockroaches did.
And all the while Jack is still going on about how magnanimous he is by foregoing $900.00 in rent for his BESTEST friend in the world.
This is just a small portion of the week long ordeal Jill has suffered at the hands of her BESTEST friend in the whole wide world, who has many many phobias. Phone phobia, cant talk, need to let his brain cool down. Germ phobia, dont breath near me. Noise phobia, i can only stand my own noise. People phobia stay away from me unless your paying rent. Spending money phobia, Can we spend yours cos mine is dirty.
Jill is now on holidays somewhere else, where there is not so much love & its cheaper.
Funny that eh !